Sports

No Gronk, No Problem: Bet On Elon Musk et al. Instead

by
Anderson Armistead
June 23, 2022

Believe it or not, Rob Gronkowski retired the other day. For the second time.

Also believe it or not, there are no NFL odds on whether his retirement will stick, whether he’ll come back as a mid-season mercenary for Brady and Co. in Tampa, or anything of the sort.

Ostensibly, his retirement has affected – or has the potential to affect – various NFL futures for the Buccaneers, but it’s surprising that Gronk’s situation in and of itself hasn’t yet generated a few fun flyers on the betting boards.

After all, there are plenty of lines on other things of the sort, particularly in the entertainment odds market. And Gronk is plenty entertaining, right?

But alas, without Gronkowski retirement odds to tickle our fancy, we’ve got to exercise (exorcise?) those dalliances elsewhere.

Amusingly, after shying away from entertainment and current events odds for so long, Bovada Sportsbook actually has a pretty big selection of weird wagers posted right now.

So, you know, buckle in for some touts:

Tesla (TLSA) Price At Market Close On January 3, 2023

Under 658 USD -145
Over 658 USD +110

In the midst of his waning popularity (the Sciencism cult doesn’t like milquetoast Libertarians no matter how many blunts they smoke on Internet radio), Musk’s only legitimate business is starting to crack under the pressure.

With mass layoffs and a huge dip in stock value as of mid-2022, the above line seems about right.

Tesla stock is trading around $712 per share at the time of this post. For context, that’s down from $1200 per share at the beginning of 2022.

And that’s with gas prices through the roof and every out-of-touch politician on the planet telling people living paycheck to paycheck to just go buy $60,000 electric car.

Who Will Be Ranked #1 On The Forbes Real Time Billionaires List On January 1, 2023?

Elon Musk -1200
Bernard Arnault +1100
Jeff Bezos +650
Bill Gates +1400

Right now, Forbes’ “live” estimation of the net worth of all the world’s richest people looks like this at the top:

Elon Musk: $229.4 billion
Bernard Arnault: $145.7 billion
Jeff Bezos: $137.2 billion
Bill Gates: $122.7 billion
Larry Page: $97.1 billion
Gautam Adani: $95.5 billion
Warren Buffett: $93.4 billion
Sergey Brin: $93.4 billion
Larry Ellison: $93.1 billion
Mukesh Ambani: $91.0 billion

While Musk has an enormous lead and the rest of these goons aren’t going to catch him going up, this Elon Musk betting line is really about how far the guy is going to fall.

Here’s the list so you can track this line for yourself.

Will Conor McGregor Buy A Bugatti Veyron In 2022?

No -1600
Yes +700

Sure, why not. I mean, his dad just bought a Porsche!

Will Conor McGregor’s Net Worth Be Over $300 million By January 1, 2023?

No -775
Yes +450

Right now, McGregor’s estimated net worth is $200 million or so. If he has a massive celebrity PPV MMA/boxing “fight” thing before the end of the year, he might be able to clear $300 million.

But probably not.

Will Elon Musk Buy Amazon In 2022?

Yes +2500
No -15000

No.

Amazon’s market capitalization as of June is around $1.1 trillion. To become majority stakeholder, Musk would have to basically trade all his other enterprises.

Will Elon Musk Buy Facebook In 2022?

No -15000
Yes +2500

No.

Musk already tried to buy Twitter, and that has fallen through (so far) on the grounds that Twitter is fake and has been misleading investors about its user base for years.

Facebook probably has just as many bots and just as many pending lawsuits.

Also, Facebook’s current market cap is around $560 billion. So, see above.

Will Elon Musk Buy Instagram In 2022?

No -15000
Yes +2500

No, and Meta (Facebook) ain’t sellin’.

Will Elon Musk Have A Net Worth Of Over $300 Billion On January 1, 2023?

No -370
Yes +260

Right now, Musk is worth just under $230 billion.

While it’s hard to predict where the market’s going and what his future endeavors might be – Will he finalize his purchase of Twitter? Will gas prices go down? Will he lose that frivolous $258 billion lawsuit about Dogecoin for which there are bafflingly no betting odds yet? – chances are Musk’s net worth won’t spike that dramatically over the next six months.

Will Kylie Jenner Have More Than 375 million Instagram Followers By January 1, 2023?

Yes -650
No +400

When I first read the line (posted at Bovada as “375m”), I read it as “37m.” And I thought sure, that seems reasonable. So, I looked this gal up, and I saw that the e-person has 352 million subs right now.

So I checked Bovada’s line again, saw my error, and cried.